Last night, as I was sitting at the dining room table lighting my advent candles, I was in a funk. I wasn’t feeling right. As I lit the third “Joy” candle it hit me. I wasn’t feeling joy.

Usually this time of year is full of joy for me. I LOVE Christmas. I can listen to Christmas songs 24-7 for a month and a half and never get tired of them. I can bake Christmas sweets one after the other and not get tired of it. I am usually prancing around with a big grin on my face, attempting to hum/sing Christmas songs that usually end up being slightly off-tune. But yesterday I was slightly “off” all day and I couldn’t understand what it was until I lit the “Joy” candle and realized I didn’t have any joy. I was very disturbed about it. I sat through my dinner wondering why I wasn’t joyful, and went to work today without a song in my heart despite my attempt to put one there by listening to the songs on the radio. I wasn’t feeling good this morning so that didn’t help my situation any, but even on my way back from the doctor’s office I hadn’t been able to place why I was feeling so down.

Until “The Christmas Song” as sung by Nat “King” Cole came on. As I listened to the song I grew sadder and sadder and finally I knew what it was. I was remembering my dad and suddenly I was overcome by grief and tears started rolling down my cheeks. That song reminds me of my dad so much I couldn’t help but cry thinking of him. All of the little memories I have came flooding in my mind. It was around this time of year that my dad was with us for the last time. After new years he passed away. I remembered how happy I was when he came back from Peru, how we spent that Christmas with his best friend (we called him uncle), how happy that time was. What a shock it was when he suddenly wasn’t there anymore. How death is so unnatural.

But I’m glad I had that time with him. And I’m glad I have this song to always remind my heart of him. Now I feel better that I had my moment to grieve for my dad. I’m glad I can keep him in my heart during this season. I have two fathers in heaven now, and I know they’re both with me. It’s a very comforting thought since this Christmas has the potential of being a lonely time. It’s good to know you’re never alone.

Daddy’s Girl

Some would say I look like my Daddy
But that’s too much for me to know,
For He is just so big and strong
Can’t see how like him I’d grow

But, oh I love him so
‘Cause he’s my Daddy friend,
When I hear him at the door
That’s when it can begin.

I pull him to his chair
And scramble on his knee,
Then look in all his pockets
To see what’s there for me.

He blows raspberries on my cheek
To make me giggle so with glee,
Then he lifts me on his shoulders
To take us for our tea.

Every girl should have a Daddy
To make her world secure,
But there’s lots of darling cherubs
Only loneliness endure.

For some Daddys walk away
Or are so busy at their toil,
Overwhelmed with the cares of life
To love a little girl.

But, God’s watching from above
With eyes so full of love,
He sees her as His treasured pearl
Forever safe as Daddys girl.

Soft Whispers from
Derry’s Heart Poems
© 2004

He tends His flock like a shepherd
He gathers the lambs in His arms,
and carries them close to His heart:
He gently leads those that have young.
Isaiah 40:11