My mother is a fan of home remedies. She loves her Uña de Gato tea, drinks Bee Propolis and swears by her garlic & honey. She had been trying to get me to try taking garlic and honey by mouth for all of its innumerable benefits (seems like she swears her garlic and honey will cure anything that could possibly go wrong with a human body) for quite a number of weeks now, until I finally decided on Sunday that I would try it. Not because I wanted to, or was curious about it, but because I was feeling gross and if her concoction worked, then I had a chance at a pleasant time on Christmas.

So I go into the kitchen, peel a few cloves of garlic, get tired of that so I take out the minced garlic from the fridge and throw in a few spoonfuls of that into a blender along with the freshly peeled cloves. I had no idea how my mom made her garlic-honey concoction but this seemed like the most logical way to do it. So in the blender the honey went. First I measured out a few spoonfuls, and then after some thought, the rest of the tub of honey. I hit the blend button, but nothing was blending. I thought about what I could throw in there to make it blend. I went to the fridge and decided to put a few squirts of lemon juice in the concoction. Finally it blended and I poured myself a small glass.

I stood there on my kitchen floor looking at the glass for about 5 minutes wondering if I had finally lost my mind or was I really going to drink that. I decided I had lost my mind years ago, and so I mustered up some courage to take a drink. I tested a tiny bit of the stuff and though it tasted garlic-y it wasn’t as bad as I had thought. It was definitely more sweet than anything. So I took a longer, bigger chug. Garlic instantly rushed to my head and nausea came over me faster than the time it took to swallow. I put the glass down and held my head, then my stomach. I ran to the bathroom.

About 15 minutes later I stumbled out of the bathroom angry with my mother and myself. I had to get ready for dinner at our friend’s house and I knew I reeked of garlic. I did my best to brush the smell of garlic out of my teeth & tongue (to no avail), tried to ignore my pounding garlic-headache and headed on out. My poor husband had me stick my head out the car window so he wouldn’t get a headache himself. That’s how strong my stench was.

Next day I called my mom and asked her how on earth she could allow me to do such a thing. She was amazed that I’d had such a reaction to it, but still maintained her position on her miracle garlic. “No way,” she said. “That’s the best thing there is. How did you prepare it?” So I told her about peeling the garlic cloves and pouring the honey and lemon juice in the blender. She busted out laughing. “What? What is it?” I asked. She said, “Oh honey, you were only supposed to use one clove covered with honey, not the whole head of garlic!”

Sigh.

My mother has always said I’m a lot like Amelia Bedelia.

I think maybe I see her point.

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