Yesterday I went in to the doctor to get my blood drawn after fasting for 10 hrs or more. They were checking for cholesterol & other things in my blood & body. I got the results today online, and everything seems to be okay, but there were a few things I just didn’t understand. Hopefully they were fine too, though. I’m sure they were. Ok, so my blood is fine, my heart isn’t in any danger or anything, so that’s good. The reason I had these tests is because the other day I was at the gyno and I wasn’t feeling good (I had another panic attack in the car on my up there) so I went to talk to a nurse about it so she could check it out. A cardio assistant came over and ordered the tests for me because my heart beat has a pop in it, and I have a family history of heart disease (my dad). I just don’t know why I keep having pain in my chest and arm like that. Next Thursday I’m going to another branch of Kaiser to get a little heart monitor machine. It’ll stay hooked up to me for 24 hrs, recording everything my heart does for 24 hrs. The following day i’m going back to return it, then doing a stress test on a treadmill. I’m probably gonna pass out on the treadmill from lack of exercise, not because my heart’s bad though. Ugh, I hate treadmills. After everything I guess I’ll have some kind of consultation with my doctor about the whole ordeal, and then when he sees my tests and sees that I’m fine he’ll look at me funny and tell me it’s all in my head. Probably, anyway.

The other way I was watching a show on TLC called Mystery Diagnosis and it was about people who had things happen to them but the doctors couldn’t explain it, telling them it was all in their head because they couldn’t find anything wrong with their tests and finally after YEARS of these people battleing their ailments, they finally found someone to listen to them and find the cause of their problem. Even with these people the doctors were quick to dismiss their pain, saying they just wanted attention. Watching the show just added to my inability to have faith in doctors. I mean, I try which is why I still go to them, but I know that I might get that attitude from them at any time (especially lately). I just can’t really tell where my pain is, if it’s in my heart or my lung or just my muscle in that area. Either way, it’s uncomfortable, scary at times, and I’d like to do whatever possible to make it go away.

I probably should quit watching shows like that.

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