You know, when your otherwise normal, sweet, cute kitty turns into a complete terror. She runs through the house as if she were being chased by an invisible German Shepherd, knocking down whatever is in her path, attacking whatever seems to be in her way. This strange phenomenon happens mostly a night, right as everyone is getting ready for bed.

Well, sometimes it may even happen in broad daylight, when you’re not looking and when you’re not expecting it. It could happen on your couch while you’re in the other room making yourself some tea to ease your head-cold. It could go as quickly as it came, be as silent as a mouse, and leave behind severe casualties. This unsuspecting roll of TP, which was a great comfort for my runny nose (since I’m too cheap to buy tissues), suffered severe internal (and external, obviously) injuries earlier this week, due to such an unfortunate event.

As sad and needless as this attack was, I was still able to allow the remainder of the roll to fulfill its nose-blowing purpose. I just could not let it go to waste.

A full interrogation of the defendant followed. However it did not get very far as the defendant claimed momentary insanity and stated she did not remember any of the events leading up to the attack and furthermore, would never do such a thing.